The dilemma of bachelorhood – III: My marriage – To be, or not to be

To be, or not to be: that is the question. This question is plaguing me for some time.
Everyone around me keeps reminding about this. It seems that they have only one mission left in their life.

If the marriage is so divine & special why is so much violence associated with it? Why is the divorce rate always increasing (For the time being, let’s remove the forced marriage from this discussion)?
I believe that a marriage should happen between two individuals who have mutual respect, understanding, love and affection between themselves. Is it really happening this way? Even many “love” (or lust?) marriages end in failures. I have seen some horrific violence in some of my close relatives, some to the verge of death. With one look I could see that the choice was wrong.

In many cases lives most important decision is made in few minutes without much thinking. Many believe in the matching of horoscope but I believe matching of the mind & soul should matter more. In ancient times when there was no other method of selection, the horoscope matching was the only method of selection/rejection but is it really relevant now? Even the barriers like caste, religion, language or even citizenship comes second. God didn’t create these barriers it only we humans who have created these barriers and divided the paradise created by God in this solar system and created a hell out of it.

We start about thinking about that special person when we are in teens. Did I think much about at that time? Hmm didn’t I? I had few crushes but nothing more; just a small smile that’s all. I thought that I will think about all those when I am mature enough to handle my emotions. That was the best decision I took at that time. May be it’s the overdose of the things I read but I believed (still believe) the love happens only once and should be nurtured and protected carefully. I would take a decision only after a lot of thought. If we look in nature a rice plant produce many rice seeds. In natural habitat the survival rate of seeds are very less and only a few grow into another cereal plant. In contrast a coconut tree produces much less nuts but with many layers of protection. In vast ocean many islands have only this tree. I fall into this later category. Life is so small for love and very big to fight and worry.

When I begin my career, in one of my projects I was associated with a Business Analyst. He was one of those special characters with whom many couldn’t work. Working in his team was the biggest challenge. My colleagues would have preferred Kalapanni instead. Being a little research oriented I was chosen to assist him technically in a research sort of project. I had already heard the tales of Don Quixote. I approached with apprehension. But soon we were able to work as a team and made significant progress. I stuck to my expertise of technical field and gave my big ears to him. Soon he would speak a lot of things to me & I patiently listened to all those. Sometimes I was on the verge of collapse but I held myself together (Some time I felt like kicking him from the top of the building but being a junior engineer I was pretty helpless). In few weeks actually this strategy paid off. He also started listening to me and very frequently asked my opinions on a lot matters. Sometimes I would scold him!!! The role was actually reversed!!! Anyone would have thought that I was the senior & he my junior. That’s the power of listening (not hearing).  That’s not the main point very often he would say that he is 30 and still a bachelor. In a hurry he got married. But their marriage didn’t last for even 6 months. They made the biggest mistake of rushing towards wedlock. May be the peer pressure might have worked against them. But ultimately both of them had to suffer. One should listen to the heart, analyze the pulse & take a decision and not rush into it.

In old times the engagement period was the time when the couples identified with each other, their aspirations, their passions, their dreams but now it has become a mere ceremony. Initially people could decide whether they would go forward or not. In recent times how many such cases have we heard of when the people have backed of after realizing the folly? Listen to your heart don’t think about the society. Ultimately it what we believe that matters. In western countries (many places in India also) we can see people staying together before the vows to decide whether they can spend rest of their lives together or not. I don’t think I will have to do this to decide. Till now I have kept my mind, body & soul pure for the special one, Resisted many temptations. I t was a real fight of character & wits. But I clung to my beliefs. Whether it’s mentally or physically let it be for the only one even if it’s only for few minutes.

To live happily ever after ideally one should marry their best friends with whom we can talk endlessly. All love that has not friendship for its base is like a mansion built upon the sand. Even if I am married to the most beautiful women in world within few months I will lose interest in her. Scientifically it is established that on an average the new xing or x factor lasts for around 24 months. Then something else is required, after this initial period, for the continuation. Rather than husbands and wife the couples should be best friends with whom they can share all their worries, anxieties, fear, aspiration & dreams with a belief that the other person will be around to support. There should be enough space for individualism but close enough to lean for a support after the day’s hard work. Rather than running behind money, fame, promotion we should be able to spend time with family. In India men always held had an upper hand and made all the decision for the family. Many didn’t even consult with their spouse. Men held the traditional role of bread earner and women looked after the children at home. Women were shut behind the doors and had very limited rights. Even among the well educated and successful women I have seen this submissive attitude. After marriage it seems that their life has ended. I believe it’s only a phase. Life should blossom to the highest level, should soar to the heights of happiness and love. With the changing demographics & life style I think this should be changed. Women should also get the every right enjoyed by men. They should take their own decisions and should fight (not physical I don’t believe in this, the clash should of ideas). It a companion we seek for the life’s travel not a foe or stranger. The famous Tamil poet Thiruvalluvar married life was very pious (http://zoomview.blogspot.com/2009/12/thiruvalluvar-ideal-person-to-emulate.html) ideally we should emulate him in our married life. The journey won’t be smooth; there will be lots of ups and downs. Parents, friends, everyone will go. Some will be replaced with framed photos. In all these difficult situations we should be around to support, to fuel the flight, to pull push when the life, to lend a helping hand, to give the shoulders to the person we said “I do”.

What type of a person will I get married?  I would give only two attributes. The person with whom I can talk endlessly who could be my best friend and who could inspire me to write poems on her. She will be the reason I would live for and the reason I would die for (http://zoomview.blogspot.com/2009/08/reason-i-would-die-for.html)

Is marriage the only way of salvation? Well I don’t think so. There are a lot of single people in our society who had achieved a lot. Most of my role models like Dr. APJ Abdul Kalam, Swami Vivekananda, Queen Elizabeth-I were single ( the list is quite big). There is more to life than getting married to some one about whom you don’t know much. Always something is not necessarily better than nothing. There are very high chances that I will end up in a monastery or with some NGO helping out others.

After the Brahmacharya, Grihastha ash-ram or Sanyas for me? Only time can tell it whether I will live as an eternal brahmachari or not. Either way life seems beautiful full of challenges ahead

http://zoomview.blogspot.com/2009/12/dilemma-of-bachelorhood-iii-my-marriage.html

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The dilemma of bachelorhood – II – Marriage

Can marriage be the silver bullet for the many problems of bachelorhood? Marriage is an institution. It is a special bond created between two individuals, two souls joined together for eternity. It is said that matches are made in heaven and the knots are tied on earth. (Well that would be cool 😀 , the biggest matrimonial site running on high end servers in heaven. Looking at the divorce rate, whoever managing that would be having a very tough time now. I am sure his appraisal would have gone down terribly bad in last few years)

Confucious had a wonderful definition “Marriage is the union of two different surnames, in friendship and in love, in order to continue the posterity of the former sages, and to furnish those who shall preside at the sacrifices to heaven and earth, at those in the ancestral temple, and at those at the altars to the spirits of the land and grain “

The history of Marriage goes even beyond the ancient times even before the first history chapter was recorded. Even during the time when the Human race was evolving from the primates we can find the natural evidence of first marriages. (There was no part, church, temple or feast). The marriage arose from the primeval needs of human species. It legalized the access to women so as to reduce the competition within the clan. Over a period of time, the beliefs,   the principles, the customs and rituals associated with the marriage has evolved. In ancient times no specific ceremony was required. Only the mutual consent of the people getting married was required. It was simple. But soon it became the most complex of all. There was no middle men or religion involved. It was a promise a trust between two individuals.

In many societies it soon became a business/political or economic arrangement. The consent of two people, love or affection was not considered. Marriage became a tool to expand the pride & power of man. The freedom which women got was curbed. It was soon replaced with a false sense of pride & accomplishments. In some places people had to pay marriage tax to marry the person they like.  If we turn back our history book, we can find many instances when helpless women had to marry against her wish for the pride of her family, to protect her kingdom from the more powerful kings. Some even didn’t get this respect. Many had to live as concubines of the powerful. Some society practices polygamy. But I feel this is against the basic nature of human race. I don’t remember where but I had read in some scientific article that a person can live peacefully, take care of the emotional & physical need of only one person.

Around 1700 the process of process of registering the marriage was introduced in Europe. Rest of the world soon followed suit.

In the modern society marriage is foundation on which our culture & civilization stands. Marriages are formed to reproduce (not always). It is the evolution of next generation from the parent, the passing of the genes to the next generation. It is the cradle of wisdom and love in which the children acquires the skills to live a successful life ahead. (it is unfortunate that there are millions of children on streets or even in many homes who haven’t seen the power of love or family). All the religions give high importance to marriage & consider this as a sacred union of the two souls & God.

There are some bad customs/practices like dowry, child marriage, polygamy still associated with it. Our education teaches us how to create spacecraft, to become a doctor or engineer but it doesn’t teach us to live in family, on how to spread love & happiness or to react against these evil customs. Throughout we can see the erosion of the core values like mutual respect, individualism, sincerity, affection from this sacred bond.

http://zoomview.blogspot.com/2009/12/dilemma-of-bachelorhood-i-marriage.html

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My birthday celebration

It was my birthday celebration with a difference. After almost a decade I celebrated my birthday. Usually my birthday celebration is limited to few sweets & a lunch or dinner with my best friends. I was not sure about this year’s celebration. After last one years great survival in my new life I wanted this year’s celebration to be different.

I was planning to visit few orphanages & spend some time with kids, play with them, and laugh with them. May be, now I could understand them better. Children’s of which age should I visit? I asked this question to myself many times. At last I thought I will spend time with small infants & toddlers. There are the sweetest. They don’t know about the different barriers erected by our cruel society. Their smile, the hug from them is the purest. I called couple of my close friends to accompany. With a long weekend of Independence Day no one was actually around. (even I wanted to go alone, If I had asked a second time many would have come but I didn’t want them to change their schedule for me, few were with their GF’s & few others were searching their independence in drinks. Since I don’t drink or smoke I don’t go to such parties & during such long weekends I can spend time with my books or guitar)

At last I decided to go to Nirmala Shishu Bhavan (an institution of missionaries of charity, it is an adoption center), I bought few sweets and Cheque as a birthday gift for them. It was not a big amount just the usual amount which I would have otherwise spent with my friends dining in some restaurants. I called the mother superior & my visit was scheduled for 3 PM. Children up to 7 years were staying there. I was excited but had a lot of questions. How will be the children, what will be their questions, will they come near me. I don’t know why & how such countless questions surfaced in my mind. All these questions vanished from my mind when I saw the first smile. Meenu was standing at the door with the sweetest smile. I stretched my hands and she came running towards me and hugged me tight. Soon few others joined her. My physique is not so large but one child had different idea. She started climbing on my as if I was a mountain!!! With two kids in my both hands & few on my legs I was stuck at the door. Soon sister rescued me from this impasse. Hearing the noise few more children came near me. I thought they need some distraction. What a better diversion that the sweets packets I had. Eureka !!! I opened the packets & I could see the smile on their faces widening. I got a volunteer in Anju. She took control of sweets and started distributing. Most of children couldn’t open the chocolate wrapper. From one end I started removing the wrapper and placed the chocolate in their mouth. I got the sweetest gift also for this effort. Kisses & hugs … they were in planty sometimes for the chocolates, sometimes for the smile. Normally shy children were also coming and started asking me a lot questions like my name, what I am doing, my home. Soon I became one among them, on my knees. Small children were interested in my spectacles. Some even tried to take that. I wanted to take few snaps but with children all-round I couldn’t even take my camera out. But still I managed to click couple. Seeing all these children I felt so sad. How could their parents leave them there? Warden said that few children were not fully orphan. Their parents were so pooer that they couldn’t keep them.

There were new born babies also with the youngest one only 16 days old. She was so cute & small lying there in the crib. I gently touched her with my fingers. When her little fingers held my fingers I was almost in another world. I talked to the caretakers and sisters. I saw a mission in their eyes , in their noble deeds they were much closer to God.

It was the time to say goodbye to all. With a promise to return I bid them all farewell and walked towards my car. I was one of the happiest person at that moment on this planet.

It was one of my best birthday celebrations ever something which I could remember for a long time. I always thought when I cross my 30’s and reach mid 30’s how would I survive. I don’t think books, poems and all the research stuff will hold my interest. Maybe now I know the reason to live, the reason to die for… It was always a thought only. I used to say that I will adopt one child even if I had my own. It was only a thought, then it became an idea but now today it has outgrown the idea and became a decision. Sometime back when I said about this idea one of my friends said that cant I produce my own. I haven’t tried it yet and not sure whether I will ever also. But now I feel that I can adopt one. In this materialistic world only thing which we can give is love. This is one investment which we can give without the fear for being going bankrupt. What difference will it make whether it is an adopted child or my own? I can only love. I am trying to flush out the jealousy, anger and all those emotions from me. I thought about the couples who spent millions for producing their child. Of course mother hood is the biggest boon and feeling.(for me mother & motherland are much bigger than even all the treasures of heaven) But cant we spent some amount on these poor souls also? If we adopt one will it make a difference? I know it will be many years after when I will have to make a decision on this but still I thought of sharing it….

At last …Happy Birthday to me 😀

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Mujhe FANAA Karde.

E Khuda Aaj Ye Faisla Karde,
Use Mera ya Mujhe Uska Karde.
Bahut Dukh Sahe He Maine,
Koi Khusi Ab Toh Muqadar Karde.
Bahot Muskil Lagta Hai Usse Duur Rehna,
Judai Ke Safar Ko Kum Karde.
Jitna Duur Chale Gaye Woh Mujhse,
Use Utna Kareeb Karde.
Nahi Likha Agar Nasib Me Uska Naam,
To Khatam Kar Ye Zindagi aur Mujhe FANAA Karde.

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The reason I would die for

It started as a dream,
a dream which kept me alive,
I wandered though the miseries of life,
in pursuit of happiness,
in search of you…

You are my unfulfilled prophesy,
you are all  what I had, what I cared for
the reason to live for…
the reason to die for.

Words are caught in my own breath,
drowned in my own feelings,
you keep me floating,
the longing to be together keeps me going.
http://zoomview.blogspot.com/2009/08/reason-i-would-die-for.html

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Love means..

Love is that enviable state that knows no envy or vanity, only empathy and a longing to be greater than oneself

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Love is ….

Love is a reason to live and a reason to die for ….

Many people say that i don’t love . may be i am not so outgoing, sniffing everyone out… but that doesn’t means that my heart doesn’t beat.. it has its own rhythm . may be an overdose of all what i read but i believe in it. When my frnd asked since i dont have big expectation from any1 so y i need love. thats when i said “Love is a reason to live and a reason to die for ….”this can be 2 an individual or some goal, some destination where we want to reach before we depart from this world and that time we are happy because our life had a meaning. Love is just understaing & finding this meaning.

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The Elephant Whisperer…few things about family which elephants can teach us

I read this article in The Hindu.. it was such a great one that i thought i should share this with all others.

I have heard about such close knitnedness but this was great. I wished I could also do something like this. Belong to a family which cares and supports all members. We human don’t have the common sense for this. We have our ego before us, hurting each other. Why cant we talk and understand before coming to a conclusion. Now a days we are so much wired that we don’t have time …..for anything ..

http://www.hindu.com/2009/06/15/stories/2009061555240900.htm

Lawrence Anthony’s eyes mist over as he remembers the moment he met his ready-made family for the first time. “They were a difficult bunch, no question about it,” he says. “Delinquents every one. But I could see a lot of good in them too. They’d had a tough time and were all scared and yet they were looking after one another, trying to protect one another.”

From the way he talks, you might guess that he was talking about disadvantaged children; in fact, it’s a herd of elephants. And not just any herd of elephants either, but a notorious, wild herd that had wreaked havoc across swathes of KwaZulu-Natal in South Africa, and were now threatened with being shot. “I was their only hope,” says Anthony, 59. “There were seven of them in all, including babies and a teenage son. But the previous owner had had it up to here with them — they’d smashed their way through every fence they’d ever come up against.”

Anthony knew his plan was risky — “angry elephants are very dangerous animals if they don’t like you. You can be hamburger meat in seconds” — but his children had grown up and left home and he and his French wife, Francoise, had space on their game reserve, Thula Thula. When they were approached by an elephant-welfare organisation, Anthony, a respected conservationist who made world headlines in 2003 when he flew into Baghdad to rescue the animals from Saddam Hussein’s zoo (an episode of the South African-born environmentalist’s life that is being made into a Hollywood movie), knew he couldn’t refuse.

Beyond wildest imagination Today, 10 years on from the moment the herd arrived, he says — in another echo of many adoptive parents — that the difficulties of the job were beyond his wildest imagination.

“It’s been a hundred times harder than I’d thought,” he says. But he could not have foreseen how much a bunch of troublesome tuskers would teach him about family love and loyalty. “The care these elephants shower on one another is astounding,” he says.

From the start, Anthony — tall, bearded, tanned and clad in khaki — considered the elephants part of his family. “We called the matriarch Nana, because that’s what all the children in the Anthony family call my mum,” he says. “The second in command, another feisty mother, we called Frankie after Francoise.”

As with human adoptions, the early days were especially tough. Nana and her troupe weren’t called the most troublesome elephants in Africa for nothing: every morning they would try to break out of the compound where they were living. Every day, Anthony, in a gesture that many parents who have had to deal with difficult kids will recognise, would do his best to persuade them that they shouldn’t behave badly, but that whatever they did he loved them anyway, and that they could trust him. “I’d go down to the fence and I’d plead with Nana not to break it down,” he says. “I knew she didn’t understand English, but I hoped she’d understand by the tone of my voice and my body language what I was saying. And one morning, instead of trying to break the fence down, she just stood there. Then she put her trunk through the fence towards me. I knew she wanted to touch me — elephants are tremendously tactile, they use touch all the time to show concern and love. That was a turning point.”

MatriarchalElephants are matriarchal. Anthony’s herd consisted of a group of mothers and their pre-adolescent young. Within the group, the matriarch has absolute authority.

“Whatever she says goes. If she wants to turn left, they turn left. If she wants to walk for 100 km, they walk for 100 km. Watching her made me understand what family means — her behaviour taught me that wise leadership, selfless discipline and tough unconditional love is the core of the family unit. I learned how important one’s own flesh and blood actually is when the dice are loaded against you. Nana would do anything for the family she led: she expected to be obeyed, and she was, but she was very, very careful about where she led those she was responsible for.”

Her acceptance of Anthony meant that the other elephants followed suit, which was life-saving for both him and Francoise a few days later when they unwittingly came between Frankie and her babies. She charged — “and let me tell you, an elephant charge is the most magnificent, and also the most terrifying, experience life holds” — and only broke off when she was seconds from obliterating them. “If Nana hadn’t shown Frankie she could trust me and shouldn’t hurt me, we’d certainly have been crushed to death.”

Frankie’s defence of her young was typical: an elephant mother’s devotion to her children is, Anthony believes, unparalleled in the animal kingdom. He tells a heartbreaking story about how another of the herd, Nandi, gave birth to a daughter whose legs were deformed. Despite the danger of lions, and the heat, Nandi remained with her for two days, supported by Nana and Frankie, all three taking turns to shield the baby from the sun. Time after time, they tried to lift her with their trunks so she could stand. “Watching Nandi made me realise how much a real mother cares. She was prepared to stand over her deformed baby for days without food or water, trying right until the end to save her, refusing to surrender until the last breath had been gasped.”

LoyaltyThere were many other lessons in family behaviour, too. Frankie, the feisty aunt, showed time and again what loyalty meant. “She’d have laid down her life for them in a blink, no question, and in return, the others gave her their absolute love and respect. And the way Frankie raised her young, Marula and Mabula, showed me first-hand what good parenting can achieve despite adverse circumstances. These beautiful, well-behaved children are what we in human terms would call “good citizens”. They saw how their mother and aunt treated me, and in return accorded me the respect one would give to a distinguished relative.”

Reciprocal exchangesToday, the Anthonys are so close to their elephants that on occasion they have almost had to chase them out of the sitting room. Anthony’s guiding principle has always been that if he respected them, they would respect him. Exchanges between him and the elephants have often been reciprocal, most movingly when Nana’s son Mvula was born, and she ambled forward out of the bush, days after the birth, to show him off to the man she now regarded as a close kinsman. A few years later, after Anthony’s first grandchild, Ethan, was born, he repaid the gesture. “Mind you,” he says with a laugh, “my daughter-in-law didn’t talk to me for a long time afterwards. There I was, holding her tiny, days-old baby, walking towards a herd of wild elephants. She didn’t imagine I’d go so close — but I knew we were safe. The elephants were so excited — their trunks went straight up and they all edged closer, intensely focused on the little bundle in my arms, smelling the air to get the scent. I was trusting them with my baby, just as they had trusted me with theirs.”

Respect for the elderlyThe elephants’ respect for the elderly herd members is something else human beings could learn from, says Anthony. “Old elephants tend to get dementia and are very slow. But the young treat them with the utmost respect and devotion — when an elderly relative can’t scrape the bark off branches to eat any more, his sons and nephews lead him to marshes or swamps where the leaves are softer. When he’s too weak to stand, they guard him to protect him from lions or hyenas.”

This week, Anthony flies home from London, where he has been promoting his new book, to South Africa and Thula Thula. He knows that Nana, Frankie, Nandi and the rest of the gang will be waiting for him at the gate — they always seem to sense when he’ll be back. These days, they are as much there for him as he is for them. Adopting a herd of wild elephants might have been the biggest risk he ever took in his life but, against the odds, it has paid off. The conservationist who welcomed a herd of badly behaved elephants into the heart of his family has had his brave and bold gesture returned in a way he couldn’t have dreamed of: these days, he is as much a part of their family as they are of his. — © Guardian Newspapers Limited, 2009

The Elephant Whisperer by Lawrence Anthony with Graham Spence is published by Pan Macmillan.)

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Love can make the imperfect perfect

Last day I had a discussion about love with one of my good friends. I thought I will post few ideas here 🙂

Why do we think much before falling in love? People make many calculations… Whether the girl is rich / beautiful or working in MNC and whether the guy is rich/handsome/ well established… I mean exceptions do happen but People try to eliminate -ve factors as much as possible.

When I was this question, I didn’t have any ready made answers but in a matter of around 30 minutes I wrote down few things. You all will have different views about them but this is what I wrote.

Do we consider all the factors? People look all these for marriage but love its different something divine… does it happen it that way????? I am not sure  I know it happens just like that, you don’t have any control over it , rest of the things are compromises , an adjustment that’s all . They think its love but I don’t think 🙂

Yep I am naïve but that’s what I am, that’s the way I think. Very few understand this pure language & may be that’s why I am week in heart but I still have faith in my ideas.

Love doesn’t demand anything, you cannot control it, and you cannot say that from this day onwards I will love or from this day onwards I will stop loving. It’s free like the air we breathe, flowing ….. Without any bounds, any control, raising our souls to the divinity.

Love doesn’t mean that you have to be with the person you love. Even if you are miles apart, even if you are dead the love flows, it’s un-breakable.

This is universal like lord Buddha said about the mother loves for her child. The sacrifice, the pain made for it.

Love has tremendous power. I know I can write better poems, I can write better code, I can train people in much better way I can do a lot of things which many haven’t even dreamed of .. Maybe I only require some inspiration some love which could power me for the rest of my life. If you have read the poems of Yeats or Rabindranath Tagore you will find the intensity of their love it. Tagore was one of the finest romantic poets ever.

If you have read tempest by the wizard of oz, you will know that it is the heart that matters. In that story our young heroine Miranda falls in love with Ferdinand. Her father said that he is not beautiful when compared to other human beings, ( they were staying in an island without any contact with other human beings .. good story read it when you get time), but she said that if Ferdinand is ugly then she don’t want to see others,  just him 🙂

That what love does. Makes everything perfect & I believe it has the power to transform anything, overcome all the odds. Why should I say more, history has proved it many times?

Can u hold romantic love forever? Sometimes it may visit for few minutes, 1 day, few weeks or maybe for entire life. We should thank god for that short period. Yep we will be sad after that but don’t you think that short period can give u energy to last an entire life? We worry about the things we lost & forget about the joy experienced when we were together. The negative thoughts overshadow the good ones & it becomes a pain rather than the fire to keep us warm.

(Now u will think that I am mad  … not really just lost few nuts: D)

Most memorable moments of my life may last for few minutes , or days & I may be sad after that but I think I can continue my life with that green picture in my mind , I wont regret it.

Take the possibility that I will fall madly in love with someone but due to some sheer bad luck we can’t live together. I might have spent few good moments may be few hrs, few days or weeks but I will cherish that moments for rest of my life & it will be the fire power to keep me warm. I won’t feel bad because I heard my heart & did what was right and I won’t regret it @ death bed. Mostly we regret the things which we didn’t rather than the things we did.

When we lose some people give their life but they are cowards. They are fools, God has sent us down with some designs & I believe we have to fulfill it. I am not a coward & don’t believe in ending ones life.

Slowly I am also learning to appreciate what I have & live every moment of life without hurting others.

I can still write pages about sacrifice, pure love & all those things hmmm let me stop. For the time being this is sufficient.

http://zoomview.blogspot.com/2009/04/love-can-make-imperfect-perfect.html

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My last smile

The sky was dark, stars were fading
streets were empty,
lamps were dim

Orion was slain again
Wounded Sagittarius was lost in deep forest
Down below Leo was breathing his last.

A thunder was brewing up in the sky,
the sea was stirring,
the volcanoes fuming

The southern wind swirled over me,
trying to say something
It brought me muffled voices, broken words

Tinctured breeze played the eternal note of sadness
I walked, North Star guiding me,
Southern wind leading me.

Familiar faces, friends, colleagues, relatives
They have grown old, so fast
Prayer, worry & fear were in their eyes.

Between them lay, a human form
Aged and motionless,
with scars of a lonely sailor at rough sea.

Air, Water, Earth, Fire & Sky stood still
Sea and volcanoes stood in abyss
Nobody moved, nothing stirred

Like a lightening it came,
the last flash of life, the smile on his face
a smile full of life, love & hope.

It was a familiar smile
Alas. I recognized it
It was my smile

Yes the smile!!! Once forgotten smile,
the smile of love…the smile of hope
But for whom did I smile last???

The last smile was for thee
The last cry was for thee
I was born for thee

Thou was my destiny,
thou was my salvation
Now I’m dying for thee

Death came riding the tide
swept away the last sign of life
but the smile remained ,
the last smile to grave,
the last smile for thee…

—Abhilash

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How Do I Love Thee?

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.
I love thee to the depth and breadth and height
My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight
For the ends of being and ideal grace.
I love thee to the level of every day’s
Most quiet need, by sun and candle-light.
I love thee freely, as men strive for right.
I love thee purely, as they turn from praise.
I love thee with the passion put to use
In my old griefs, and with my childhood’s faith.
I love thee with a love I seemed to lose
With my lost saints.  I love thee with the breath,
Smiles, tears, of all my life;  and, if God choose,
I shall but love thee better after death.

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When you smile

You run away when you see me
leaving more questions than answers
I would run to you but I am stuck
Like an idiot, I wonder
Like a fool, I act

With your smile,
It’s amazing how you light up my lonely soul
Scattering the beauty of pure joy, around me
The sudden rise and slow relapse of your brows
little dimples, long eyelashes…

Oh dear, your sweet smile makes me light
I was drown in your brown eyes
lost in your beautiful hair,
whelmed by the beauty of your dimples.

When you smile, my voice chokes
Body shivers, my mind stops
Every night I can’t sleep
I keep thinking of your smile.
I was waiting so long for you

I was woken from the deep sleep
Half asleep, half awake.
I wondered at my good luck
I have seen it
With a terrible joy, I realized
Deep within from my soul, so pure and beautiful
I have seen the divinity smile

They say you are an angel
Pure and fair
Quite and shy
Warm and happy

I sang in my wilderness
In praise of the divine creation
O-reckless free heart, I sang the song of my life.
Your smile liberated me from my misery

Oh mother nature,
You have shown me your divine form
Which I longed to see before I came back to you.
I prayed, I waited and now I have seen you,
a form to worship in this formless world,
a soul to worship in this soulless world.

In your sparkling smile the world grows
a new world, a new transformation.
In a smile more beautiful than the morning sun,
more sweet than the purest honey,
more pure than the mist,
more gentle than the wind in summer.

I am happy
I am content
I am at peace
Because I have seen you smile……

Mother, I can come back to you
Because I have seen your divine form….

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Notebook…when i cried

Notebook by Nicholas Sparks

It will tear a hole in my heart… I will cry. These were the warnings. Hole in my heart!!! That would be the biggest news for all my friends from school, college and all those who knew me.
I had doubts, when my friend suggested this book saying that if I write a story about my life it would be something similar. We had a bet. Now who won? Well that’s the story.

A copy for me was sent across oceans. Last lazy Sunday afternoon, I started reading this story of two people who were destined to be together till eternity. This was one of the most poignant and compelling stories I have ever read.

Like a symphony from the master, the story develops and casts an irresistible spell.

Two teenagers from opposite sides of the tracks fall in love. Spending one idyllic summer together in the small town of New Bern, Noah Calhoun and Allie Nelson do not meet again for 14 years. Noah has returned from WWII to restore the house of his dreams, having inherited a large sum of money. Allie was engaged to powerful attorney Lon Hammond, who she cared a lot. Lon was also a nice man who loved Allie deeply. When she reads a newspaper story about Noah’s restoration project, she shows up on his porch step, re-entering his life for two days. Will Allie choose Lon or Noah? Who are the two old people? Read and discover.

I can spill the beans here but I will not. By the time I finished I could find my cheeks wet and I knew that I had lost the bet. I was planning to read this book while traveling on Sunday during my 10 hour journey. Due to some critical work at office I slept very late on Saturday (or Sunday morning) and so it saved me from some blushes in a public place.  It is a one night read story. The language is simple with no complex twists or sub-plots. It is the simplicity which I liked the most. It will evoke so many different emotions as you continue to read. It is worth reading.

Now why would somebody have a bet with me? This story goes back almost a decade. (I have just started writing. I don’t know the climax. Even I am not sure whether anybody will publish it or not but maybe after another decade it may be the best seller:) , might be another notebook or wings of fire). It was a debate where young teenagers like me were airing their views on love in digital age. When my turn came I narrated a story almost similar. I lost narrowly (got the second place). But I believed every word I said. It was possible to keep the mind and body pure for one. It is difficult but not impossible.

Notebook also portrays the purity, simplicity and truthfulness. For being happy you don’t need enormous wealth. It is the few other wonders like books, music and such small things which are more precious. This is a story, which almost everybody wants in their life, but is afraid to work for it, ask for it.

So friends get a copy for yourself, you will read it again.

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I am alone

The heart beat is slow

my eyes are weak

the future is bleak

its dark everywhere

i cant see my future

its crises everywhere

The journey is big

its frightening

i am alone

no body to depend on

no body with whom i could play

i could cry

i could laugh

no body

with whom i could share my success

with whom i could share my dreams

alas

I am alone

walking ….

crying….

not a single hand to give me support…

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Chasing Liberty: The Freedom of Love

I will recommend this movie (Chasing Liberty) to anybody. Today I was supposed to go to my usual music practice. Today morning before jumping out with my guitar, I thought I will spend half an hour in front of TV and watch some thing, Bingo!!! I saw this. Forget about the music class, I sat there watching the movie without a break.

This is such cute & wonderful movie. This is a unique, one-of-a-kind feel good movie.
Mandy Moore again astonishes me with her flawless acting. She’s irresistible. I don’t believe in miracles certainly not in love. But I would admit that this has again brought me back to the level of normal human being. I thought I was a robot. It gave a break from the mechanic, well scheduled life of mine. I would rate “Walk to remember” more than “Chasing liberty” but then this is worth watching couple of times. It is a collector’s item even if you are not a fan of Mandy Moore.

After all love is worth the freedom, the freedom to express, the freedom to decide and of course the freedom to love.

Watch this movie whenever you can especially when you feel bored with the life running along & with the clock. It might not improve your life but can certainly bring a good smile on your lips and in your heart.

Plot
Anna Foster (Mandy Moore) has never had an ordinary life. At eighteen years old, she is the most protected girl in America; she is the First Daughter. Frustrated with her overprotective father, the President of the United States of America (Mark Harmon), Anna makes a deal with him: only two agents are allowed to guard her while she attends a concert in Prague. When her father backs out of his promise, Anna flies into a temper and goes on the run with Ben Calder (Matthew Goode), a handsome photographer she runs into outside of the music club. They travel together with the intention of going to the Love Parade in Berlin. Anna hasn’t told Ben who she is but more importantly, Ben hasn’t told her who he is. Under the orders of Anna’s father, Ben is supposed to keep an eye on the rebellious girl but falling in love with her wasn’t something he expected to do. Romance blossoms between the wild, sassy Anna and the cool, distant Ben as they backpack through Europe.

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A night for exploring the meaning of Love

It’s another boring and dead weekend. I could understand the real meaning of shaans song.
tanha dil, tanha safar
dhunde tujhe phir kyun nazar
aankhon mein sapne liye
ghar se hum chal toh diye
jaane yeh raahe abb le jaayengi kahaan
mitti ki khushbu aaye
palkon pe aansu laaye
palkon pe reh jaayega yaadon ka jahaan
manjil nayi hain
anjaana hai kaarava
chalna akele hai yahaan

Shirlz adviced me spend some time with sis. Unfortunately she also not here. Shirlz really another original masterpiece (or malfunctioning). She keeps on giving me all those advice. Poor girl she got stuck with her java certifications.

But thanks to Kush I got something to think about other than the codes this weekend. Well I saw a walk to remember. Saw it on Saturday morning 12:30 am. Next two hours I was in a dream world. I felt I was a character in the film. I don’t know how & why I liked this film so much. May be I was watching one after so long or may be I was watching, understanding the tender bond of love with the protagonists. I would recommend it to anybody. Sandy also wanted the CD. If I am not late tomorrow I will give her.

I can’t explain the voyage, I took for that two hours. I would describe that as a voyage of high emotions. The pure love touched my heart. I asked myself whether I would be able to do something similar. Hmmmmmm I should be able to do that if required. Living for one love and dying for one love wow so great. So romantic, so sweet but too strong. We need the mental courage and strong willpower to do so. Nobody can decide on this it has to happen automatically. We need a pure heart to appreciate that. Why society is against this most of times I don’t know. I simply can’t understand. Maybe they are trying to guard against all the new generation one minute love. Now days you find the use and throw system of love. You break with one and the next moment you are with another or may be it’s already in shifts. Most of them are pure fantasies. The pure love is becoming a rare breed almost on extinction. Love should be feeling like the warm air around us giving us life. We can feel it but cannot touch it. Love never demands anything just empowers us to bring the best in us. I believe it should happen only once in a lifetime. Quoting Landon from A walk to remember “Love is always patient and kind. It is never jealous. Love is never boastful or conceited. It is never rude or selfish. It does not take offense and is not resentful.”

The full version from Bible I Corinthians 13:4-7, TLB.
“Love is always patient and kind; it is never jealous, love is never boastful or conceited; it is never rude or selfish; it does not take offense, and is not resentful. Love takes no pleasure in other people’s sins but delights in the truth; it is always ready to excuse, to trust, to hope, and to endure whatever comes. Love does not come to an end.”

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A Walk to Remember …the miracle of love

As usual it was an ordinary day. I wanted a break from the daily schedule. I made plans to do a jungle safari. Not to Africa somewhere in forests of Wayanad or idukki. Was excited about the trip but nobody volunteered to come with me

I can’t say nobody Kush said he will join me wherever I go at last I am not alone at least one person 🙂 there for me.
I should have said a lot of things to few people but then the clouds of indecision still hanging over my head.

But that was not the highlight. Went to kushy’s place. We had Ghee roast dosa together. Talked about our future. He was ready to kill me. He complains that I am not a human with normal feelings. In fact I don’t have any feelings!!! Well certainly not

He suggested that I watch “A Walk to Remember”. He even transferred few soundtracks from his mobile.

The review of the movie left me in tears. Can this happen in real life or is this only in reel life. Don’t know. Can anyone love like this? May be this still happens in this world. A love which uplifts you, envelopes you with the happiness and empowers you even when you know that it’s going to end soon. Well that what i say To love when it can be lost….
Plot (from wikipedia)

When a prank on a fellow high-school student goes wrong, popular but rebellious Landon Carter (Shane West) is threatened with expulsion. His punishment is mandatory participation in various after-school activities, such as tutoring disadvantaged children and performing in the drama club’s spring musical. At these functions he is forced to interact with quiet, bookish Jamie Sullivan (Mandy Moore), a girl he has known for many years but with whom he has rarely ever spoken. Their differing social statures leave them worlds apart, despite their close physical proximity.

When Landon has trouble learning his lines, he asks Jamie for help. She agrees to help him if he promises not to fall in love with her. Landon laughs off the strange remark, believing Jamie to be the last person with whom he would ever fall in love. After all, Landon has access to the prettiest and most popular girls in town; and between her shy demeanor and old-fashioned wardrobe, Jamie doesn’t exactly fall into that category.

Landon and Jamie begin practicing together at her house after school. The two form a tentative friendship, and Landon learns that Jamie has a wish list of all the things she hopes to do in her life, such as getting a tattoo and being in two places at once. One day, Jamie approaches Landon at his locker, where he is hanging out with some of his friends. When Jamie asks Landon if they are still on for practice that afternoon he smirks “In your dreams”. His friends laugh and Landon’s smirk falters as Jamie’s face fills with betrayal and embarrassment. That afternoon Landon arrives at Jamie’s house, hoping that Jamie will still agree to help him. But she refuses to open the door. When she eventually does, she sarcastically remarks that they can be “secret friends”. She slams the door in his face when he agrees. Landon eventually learns the script by himself.

During the play, Jamie astounds Landon and the entire audience with her beauty and voice. Landon kisses Jamie during the play, which was not in the script, and Landon tries to get close to Jamie, but she repeatedly rejects him. It is only after a mean joke played on Jamie by Landon’s friends that Jamie agrees to get to know Landon, and the two pursue a relationship. He takes her out to dinner and dances with her, something he never did for anyone else. When he discovers that Jamie has a wish list, he sets out to help her accomplish them. One memorable date had Landon taking Jamie to the state line. He excitedly positions her on the line in just the right way, and when Jamie asks him what he’s doing he tells her “You’re in two places at once”. Her face lights up with joy, as she realizes that Landon set out to make her impossible dreams come true.

Jamie finally tells Landon that she has terminal leukemia and has stopped responding to treatments. As Jamie is hospitalized, Landon fulfills various wishes on Jamie’s list, such as building her a telescope so she can see a comet. Through this process, Landon and Jamie learn more about the nature of love. The movie ends with Jamie’s death, but only after the couple are married in the same chapel as was Jamie’s deceased mother, the event that topped Jamie’s wish list. Landon himself becomes a better person through Jamie’s memory, achieving the goals that he set out to do, like she did.

Four years later, Landon visits Jamie’s father. It is obvious that Jamie helped him to focus and become a better person. For example, he reveals he has finished college and been accepted to medical school; prior to meeting her he had no plans for life after high school. He tells Jamie’s father that he is sorry he could not grant Jamie’s wish to witness “a miracle” before she died. Her father says “She did. It was you”.

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